Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Indulging in self-pity is destructive. It distorts your view of things. Get rid of the victim mentality.
Self-pity is an excessive absorption with your self. You only see your problems or troubles.
When you are in this state of emotion, you are unhappy. You ask, “Why me?” or “Why does it has to happen to me?”
You see unfairness and feels that you don’t deserve the experience that you are going through.
Some people have developed the victim mentality. Others go through self-pity once in a while when things don’t turn out as they have hoped for. But they find ways to get over the feeling as fast as they can.
If you belong to the victim category, you must make an effort to overcome it. Otherwise, you will continue to feel helpless and bitter about life.
8 Ways to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself
1. Recognize it When it Appears
You got to start being aware of your thoughts, your spoken words and also your behavior.
Carry a notebook with you. Take note of the times when you complain and whine. Jot down each time you feel that people or the universe are being unfair toward you. Notice the event or situation that made you feel powerless.
Be aware of other accompanying thoughts such as not being good enough, insecurity, and feeling unappreciated.
2. Reflect and Analyze
At the end of your day, go through what you have written in your notebook. Identify the situations that triggered your feelings. Who did you blame? How did you come to the conclusion?
At the end of the week, go through the notes you have written. Discover your thought patterns. Look for the common factors that brought about the feeling of self-pity.
What happened to make you feel the way you did? Who was in the picture? Which of your needs were not met?
After you have made a self-assessment, make a list of 10 positive things or actions you can take to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You only need one positive action. But this exercise of making a list allows you to notice that you have options.
3. Get the Right Perspective
There are other people who are going through difficulties. Some are minor while others are devastating.
They may be grieving for the loss of a loved one. Some might be suffering from a terminal illness. Some others may be experiencing setbacks caused by a tragedy or disaster.
Get out of the trap of self-pity by seeing what’s happening outside your world. You are not special when it comes to having to face adversities.
Accept that no one is coming to your rescue. Stop hoping that someone will appear and solve your problem. You must take the initiative and be proactive to correct the situation.
4. Interrupt the Helpless Feeling
The best way to interrupt this disempowering feeling is to change your physiology. You can interrupt your thought pattern at an instant by taking a few deep breaths.
It refocuses your attention because you are taking a conscious action instead of allowing your mind to stray with the negative thought. You can then affirm positive statements and convince yourself that you can handle your emotions and the situation.
Another effective method is to go out and take a brisk walk or do any form of physical activity. Scientific studies have shown that your body releases endorphins when you exercise. These chemicals trigger positive feelings and help you gain better clarity.
5. Choose Gratitude
Another fast and effective method to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to think of things you are grateful for. Your mind cannot think of two things at one particular time. When you look for something good that is happening or existing in your life right now, you refocus your attention from seeing the negative to positive things.
So whenever you notice yourself slipping into self-pity, take a piece of paper and write a gratitude list.
Notice things that you have taken for granted. Be aware of what is going on right in your life right this moment.
6. Help Others
Stop waiting for someone to come and lift you out of you difficulties and make you feel better. Instead, go out and help other people. It helps you overcome self-absorption. It also makes you feel connected to others.
Extend help to people who are unfortunate or in need of physical and emotional support.
Serving others is also one of the ways to take your mind off from your worries and unhappiness.
7. Take Personal Responsibility
Some things that happened in your life were out of your control. Most of them however, could have been avoided. What you can do from this moment is to differentiate them and take responsibility of those that are within your control.
People can let you down. But whatever happens, you are responsible for your feelings and responses. Nobody can make you feel inadequate unless you allow it to happen.
So your first responsibility is to be accountable for your own feelings. Stop blaming others. If you have made a mistake, admit it.
8. Develop the Right Attitude
It comes down to attitude.
How you view troubles determine how you feel which lead to how you behave. If you choose to feel sorry for yourself, you will go through a downward spiral which can lead to depression.
But if you decide to take positive actions to get out of your predicament, you will feel better. Your situation will improve.
Make a decision to get rid of self-pity. Tell yourself that you will treat and accept setbacks as a challenge. Affirm to yourself that you will do everything within your power to deal with hardship.
Remind yourself of your past successes in handling adversities and convince yourself you can do it again.
To Sum Up
Indulging in self-pity is destructive. It distorts your view of things. You stop yourself from seeing the positive and good things happening in your life. And it saps happiness.
Take action on things that you can control. Accept those that you can’t.
Stop thinking that you are not good enough and start seeing your strengths and capabilities.
Focus on expanding your mind and becoming a better person. Notice the abundance surrounding you instead of what you lack.